"Each place has its own advantages - heaven for the climate, and hell for the society."
"So when it comes down to it, a calorie is a calorie is a calorie: There is only one moral of the story: burn as many damn calories as possible whenever you work out."
"There's nothing I believe in more then my own insignificance. So why does everybody think my words can make a difference?"
"The ladies of The View are glittering jewels of colossal ignorance who think they're the smartest people in the room."
"Where a calculator on the ENIAC is equipped with 19,000 vacuum tubes and weighs 30 tons, computers in the future may have only 1,000 vacuum tubes and perhaps only weigh 1.5 tons."
"If I'm not back in five minutes.. wait longer"
"Absurdity. A statement or belief manifestly inconsistent with one's own opinion."
"I think there is a world market for maybe five computers."
"A banker is a fellow who lends you his umbrella when the sun is shining and wants it back the minute it begins to rain."
"They had no good cigars there, my lord; and I left the place in disgust."
"A handmade cigar is a rebellion against frenzy and insanity; it means supporting contemplation over rash impulse, and represents a civilized revolution."
"Ok: set the building on fire:"
"And I said, I don't care if they lay me off either, because I told, I told Bill that if they move my desk one more time, then, then I'm, I'm quitting, I'm going to quit. And, and I told Don too, because they've moved my desk four times already this year, and I used to be over by the window, and I could see the squirrels, and they were merry, but then, they switched from the Swingline to the Boston stapler, but I kept my Swingline stapler because it didn't bind up as much, and I kept the staples for the Swingline stapler and it's not okay because if they take my stapler then I'll set the building on fire:"
"I'll take that under advisement."
"You see Bob, it's not that I'm lazy, it's that I just don't care."
"There's always an easier way."
"I have eight different bosses right now. [Eight?] Eight, Bob. So that means when I make a mistake, I have eight different people coming by to tell me about it. That's my only real motivation is not to be hassled."
"It's amazing what people are willing to do for small amounts of money per hour."
"You know, I've never really liked paying bills. I don't think I'm gonna do that, either."
"Henry Ford was right about the model T, before he created the assembly line."
"Yeah, I just stare at my desk, but it looks like I'm working. I do that for probably another hour after lunch too, I'd say in a given week I probably only do about fifteen minutes of real, actual, work."
"Cats are intended to teach us that not everything in nature has a function."
"Skiing combines outdoor fun with knocking down trees with your face."
"The goal of all inanimate objects is to resist man and ultimately defeat him."
"If God had wanted us to use the metric system, Jesus would have had ten apostles."
"Patience without limit, isn't patience at all."
"Inside every older lady is a younger lady - wondering what the hell happened."
"Inside me lives a skinny woman crying to get out. But I can usually shut her up with cookies."
"If you can't be a good example - then you'll just have to be a horrible warning."
"I'm not offended by all the dumb blonde jokes because I know I'm not dumb - and I'm also not blonde."
"This is the ultimate reality: That God lives, and God loves, and God can be found!"
"Are you gonna marry her?"
"Garth, marriage is punishment for shoplifting in some countries."
"Did you ever find bugs bunny attractive when he put on a dress and played a girl bunny?"
"I've had plenty of jo-jobs. Nothing I'd call a career. Let me put it this way. I have an extensive collection of name tags and hair nets."
"I still live with my parents, which I admit is both bogus and sad."
"I once thought I had mono for a whole year. Turns out I was just really bored."
"Ex-queeze me? Baking Powder?"
"Hey, Mr. Donut man, who's trying to kill you?" "I donno, but they better not."
"Not a day goes by, that I'm not glad I'm a guy."
"Once the game is over, the king and the pawn go back in the same box."
"If you going to do something, you might-as-well do it right."
"Among the lucky, you are the chosen one."
"What if you were an idiot? And what if you were a member of congress? But I repeat myself."
"Wisdom is knowing beforehand what experience would teach you later."
"Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear bright until you hear them speak."
"Those who live by the sword: get shot by those who don't"
"We are going to have peace even if we have to fight for it."
"Forgive your enemies: but never forget their names"
"Learn from the mistakes of others; You can't live long enough to make them all yourself."
"The man who doesn't read good books has no advantage over the man who can't read them."
"We can't solve problems by using the same kind of thinking we used to create them."
"Being powerful is like being a lady. If you have to tell people you are, you aren't."
"Today's mighty oak is just yesterdays nut, that held its ground"
"There are painters who transform the sun into a yellow spot, but there are others who, thanks to their art and intelligence, transform a yellow spot into the sun."
"There won't be anything we won't say to people to try and convince them that our way is the way to go."
"Now the trouble about trying to make yourself stupider than you really are is that you very often succeed."
"Having is not so pleasing a thing as wanting."
"Wealth and retirement are wasted on the elderly."
"A good rule of thumb is if you've made it to thirty-five and your job still requires you to wear a name tag, you've made a serious vocational error."
"If you can count your money, you don't have a billion dollars."
"A bargin is something you can't use at a price you can't resist."
"Rufus, Brint, and Meekus were like brothers to me. And when I say brother, I don't mean, like, an actual brother, but I mean it like the way black people use it. Which is more meaningful I think."
"I call all times soon."
"[coughing] I think I'm getting the Black Lung, Pop."
"I'm pretty sure there's a lot more to life than being really, really good looking. And I plan on finding out what that is."
"So I'm rapelling down Mount Vesuvius when suddenly I slip. And I'm just falling, terrified and then I think, 'Hey, Hansel, haven't you been smoking peyote for six straight days and couldn't some of this maybe be in your mind?' [And?] And it was. I was totally fine. I've never even been to Mount Vesuvius."
"At the Derek Zoolander Center For Children Who Can't Read Good And Wanna Learn To Do Other Stuff Good Too, we teach you that there's more to life than being really, really good looking."
"Wait a minute. I might just have an idea. They'll be looking for us at Maury's right? But they won't be looking for... not us."
"Who cares about Derek Zoolander anyway? The man has only one look for Christ's sake! Blue Steel? Ferrari? Le Tigra? They're the same face! Doesn't anybody notice this? I feel like I'm taking crazy pills!"
"Oh, I'm sorry, did my pin get in the way of your ass!? Do me a favor and lose five pounds immediately or get out of my building like now!"
"Hansel, he's so hot right now, Hansel."
"[looking at model] What is this? A center for ants? How can we be expected to teach children to learn how to read if they can't even fit inside the building?"
"If there is anything that this horrible tragedy can teach us, it's that a male model's life is a precious, precious commodity. Just because we have chiseled abs and stunning features, it doesn't mean that we too can't not die in a freak gasoline fight accident."
"Hi Derek! My name's Little Cletus and I'm here to tell you a few things about child labor laws, ok? They're silly and outdated. Why back in the 30s, children as young as five could work as they pleased; from textile factories to iron smelts. Yippee! Hurray! "
"You think that you're too cool for school, but I have a newsflash for you Walter Cronkite... you aren't."
"I hear words like 'handsomness' and 'incredibly chiseled features' and for me that's like a vanity that I don't buy into."
"Now if you'll excuse me, I have an after-funeral party to attend."
"I'm gonna answer your question with another question; how many abediginals do you see modelling?"
"'It's all right! It isn't Her!' This was bad grammar of course, but that is how beavers talk when they are excited; I mean, in Narnia - in our world they usually don't talk at all."
"For in Calormen, story-telling (wether the stories are true or made up) is a thing you're taught, just as English boys and girls are taught essay-writing. The difference is that people want to hear the stories, whereas I never heard of anyone who wanted to read the essays."
"Come, live with me and you'll know me."
"The boys began to wonder if raw meat was really as nasty as they had always been told. Trumpkin assured them it was."
"To know what would have happened, child? No. Nobody is ever told that."
"...They were talking about Narnia, which was the name of their own private and secret country. Most of us, I suppose, have a secret country but for most of us it is only an imaginary country."
"I don't know what the Bearded Glass was for because I am not a magician."
"Your father and mother and all of you are - as you used to call it in the Shadowlands - dead. The term is over: the holidays have begun. The dream is ended: this is the morning."
"You've no idea how good an old joke sounds when you take it out again after a rest of five or six hundred years."
"I have come home at last! This is my real country! I belong here. This is the land I have veen looking for all my life, though I never knew it till now. The reason why we loved the old Narnia is that it sometimes look a little like this. Bree-hee-hee! Come further up, come further in!"
"It's all in Plato, all in Plato: bless me, what do they teach them at these schools!"
"You see, they will not let us help them. They have chosen cunning instead of belief. Their prison is only in their own minds, yet they are in that prison; and so afraid of being taken in that they cannot be taken out."
"In our world too, a stable once had something inside it that was bigger than our whole world."
"But in Narnia your good clothes were never your uncomfortable ones. They knew how to make things that felt beautiful as well as looking beautiful in Narnia: and there was no such hing as starch or flannel or elastic to be found from one end of the country to the other."
"This was perhaps just as well, for a unicorn and a fat, full-grown Donkey indoors always make a room feel rather crowded."
"But if someone who had never seen a lion looked at Puzzle in his lion-skin he just might mistake him for a lion, if he didn't come to close, and if the light was not too good, and if Puzzle didn't let out a bray and didn't make any noise with his hoofs."
"After that the Head's friends saw that the Head was no use as a Head, so they got her made an Inspector to interfere with the other Heads. And when they found that she wasn't much good even at that, they got her into Parliament where she lived happily ever after."
"Even in this world, of course, it is the stupidest children who are the most childish and the stupidest grown-ups who are most grown-up."
"But however happy you are feeling, you can't talk with your mouth full of snow."
"Where I come from, they don't think much of men who are bossed about by their wives."
"Every gnome seemed to be as busy as it was sad, though Jill never found out what they were so busy about."
"Many come down, and few return to the sunlit lands. It is said that they will all wake at the end of the world."
"Now a job like this - a journey up north just as winter's beginning, looking for a Prince that probably isn't there, by way of a ruined city that no one has ever seen - will be just the thing. If that doesn't steady a chap, I don't know what will."
"You would not have called to me unless I had been calling to you"
"Owing to the curious methods of teaching at Experiment House, one did not learn much French or Maths or Latin or things of that sort; but one did learn a lot about getting away quickly and quietly when THey were looking for one."
"Smoking is one of the leading causes of statistics."
"Failure is not the only punishment for laziness; there is also the success of others."
"No position of value can be boiled down to a bumper sticker."
"Unfortunately, knowledge is not a prerequisite for passion on a subject."
"That makes me angry, and when Dr. Evil gets angry Mr. bigglesworth gets upset. And when Mr. Bigglesworth gets upset, people DIE!"
"Good, bad. I'm the guy with the gun."
"If we're going to be damned, let's be damned for what we really are."
"My only words of wisdom are just [radio edit]"
"That's what I love about high school girls. No matter how old I get, they always stay the same age."
"Your mother was a hamster and your father smelt of elderberries. Now go away, or I shall taunt you a second time."
"The meek may inherit the earth, but they don't get in to Harvard."
"I've seen the world, its a little overrated."
"Anybody who tells you it doesn't matter what judge you get is a fool."
"If you lose a lot of weight, people [will] think you have TB or AIDS."
"War is worthless except for ending slavery, Nazism, fascism, and communism. Other than that, war is pointless."
"I'd love for this Cuban embargo to end because I love Punch Double Coronas."
"I've always wondered how in the hell we conservatives became denoted by red. That's a commie color! It is! The liberals have always been red!"
"I wasn't born yesterday, you know - I've seen movies."
"Okay, it's either you definitely *should* play with matches, or you definitely *shouldn't* play with matches...Which one you think it is, Carl?"
"Our minds must be conflicting because you say plague of snakes and all I hear is Easter bunny, Easter bunny, Easter bunny."
"I don't have any real dolls, I prefer to use my infinite imagination... cause I ain't got no damn money."
"Don't you be giving it to me in that sippy cup, I'm an adult and I deserve an adult glass."
"Hey now, guys, look. I do not want to do anything illegal here... but I would kill somebody... in front of their own mama... to get a ten speed."
"Master Shake says books are from the devil, and TV is twice as fast."
"[calling Japan] Hello, Japan? Yes, connect me to Godzilla please."
"[That's not a toy!] You say that about everything you own. You should own toys. They're fun."
"That's a deep kiss too, like the Europeans. You know, the French, they have to unhinge their jaw to show love."
"Plaque is a figment of the liberal media and the dental industry to scare you into buying useless appliances and pastes. Now, I've heard the arguments on both sides, and there is nothing to convince me of the need to brush your teeth."
"The only way to cross the street, is just to close your eyes and bolt out there with complete disregard for machine."
"There are no dumb questions. Yes, you, the retard with the dumb question."
"The best remedy for those who are afraid, lonely or unhappy is to go outside, somewhere where they can be quiet, alone with the heavens, nature and God. Because only then does one feel that all is as it should be and that God wishes to see people happy, amidst the simple beauty of nature."
"The richness I achieve comes from Nature, the source of my inspiration."
"Nature will bear the closest inspection. She invites us to lay our eye level with her smallest leaf, and take an insect view of its plain."
"If a man walks in the woods for love of them half of each day, he is in danger of being regarded as a loafer. But if he spends his days as a speculator, shearing off those woods and making the earth bald before her time, he is deemed an industrious and enterprising citizen."
"There is a way that nature speaks, that land speaks. Most of the time we are simply not patient enough, quiet enough, to pay attention to the story."
"To forget how to dig the earth and to tend the soil is to forget ourselves."
"On every stem, on every leaf ... and at the root of everything that grew, was a professional specialist in the shape of grub, caterpillar, aphis, or other expert, whose business it was to devour that particular part."
"Those who dwell, as scientists or laymen, among the beauties and mysteries of the earth are never alone or weary of life."
"Nature has given women so much power that the law has very wisely given them little."
"We need to find God, and he cannot be found in noise and restlessness. God is the friend of silence. See how nature - trees, flowers, grass - grows in silence; see the stars, the moon and the sun, how they move in silence... We need silence to be able to touch souls."
"Climb the mountains and get their good tidings. Nature's peace will flow into you as sunshine flows into trees. The winds will blow their own freshness into you, and the storms their energy, while cares will drop off like autumn leaves."
"In nature, nothing is perfect and everything is perfect. Trees can be contorted, bent in weird ways, and they're still beautiful."
"Everything in nature contains all the power of nature. Everything is made of one hidden stuff."
"When I go into the garden with a spade, and dig a bed, I feel such an exhilaration and health that I discover that I have been defrauding myself all this time in letting others do for me what I should have done with my own hands."
"Reading about nature is fine, but if a person walks in the woods and listens carefully, he can learn more than what is in books, for they speak with the voice of God."
"Nature is too thin a screen; the glory of the omnipresent God bursts through everywhere."
"Knowing trees, I understand the meaning of patience. Knowing grass, I can appreciate persistence."
"Look, there is only one way to get across this street. You close your eyes and just bolt out there with complete disregard for machine."
"Pedestrian always has the right of way. [except?] When you in the way?"
"He's right and if I don't pass this class, I ain't never going to get a job crossing roads."
"Chocolate milk! Well alright let's get the hell out of here."
"Don't drink the Chocolate milk. Do not drink the chocolate milk!"
"[this milk is expired, Meatwad] I like it when it's chunky. It's spreadable and it's edible."
"Let me touch you hand. I'll be as gentle as a lamb... that works out with weights!"
"One, Two, Uhm Three, Four?, K-KaFive. [KaFive?] Yes KaFive. Six, Hey how you doing? [Who are you talking to? Come on I just need one more] Oh yeah, the last one is seven."
"One, Two, Uhm Three, Four?, K-KaFive. [KaFive?] Yes KaFive."
"Behold it is I. I bestow upon you my dirty diapie. But there is another. Who among you will embark on such a quest? To -you know- peel it off the ceiling. It's stuck up there."
"The dog blew up again."
"There's science behind this. And legend."
"Here's my strategy on the Cold War: We win, they lose."
"Of the four wars in my lifetime none came about because the U.S. was too strong."
"The most terrifying words in the English language are: I'm from the government and I'm here to help."
"I have wondered at times about what the Ten Commandment's would have looked like if Moses had run them through the U.S. Congress."
"The taxpayer: That's someone who works for the federal government but doesn't have to take the civil service examination."
"Government's view of the economy could be summed up in a few short phrases: If it moves, tax it. If it keeps moving, regulate it. And if it stops moving, subsidize it."
"Politics is not a bad profession. If you succeed there are many rewards, if you disgrace yourself you can always write a book."
"If we ever forget that we're one nation under God, then we will be a nation gone under."
"John Hancock....it's Herbie Hancock."
"What does it mean to be born again?"
"There are two kinds drivers: wolves and sheep. You don't want to be a sheep."
"Inviting your friends to your play is like needing a ride to the airport, or a place to crash, or help moving. We're not in college any more: Call a tazi, book a room, and hire some movers people!"
"All human situations have their inconveniences. We feel those of the present but neither see nor feel those of the future; and hence we often make troublesome changes without amendment, and frequently for the worse."
"All would live long, but none would be old."
"Anger is never without reason, but seldom with a good one."
"Beware of the young doctor and the old barber."
"He that is of the opinion money will do everything may well be suspected of doing everything for money."
"How many observe Christ's birthday! How few, his precepts! O! 'tis easier to keep Holidays than Commandments."
"If you would be wealthy, think of saving as well as getting."
"Remember not only to say the right thing in the right place, but far more difficult still, to leave unsaid the wrong thing at the tempting moment."
"Three may keep a secret, if two of them are dead."
"Those who would give up essential liberty to purchase a little temporary safety deserve neither liberty nor safety."
"But in this world nothing can be said to be certain, except death and taxes."
"Creditors have better memories than debtors."
"Politicians never accuse you of 'greed' for wanting other people's money -- only for wanting to keep your own money."
"The purpose of armies is to kill people and break things."
Try to find the simplest distance between two points.
"You are the devil, and you are bad!"
"It takes a lot of faith to say we're accidents of nature."
"To the bold go the spoils."
"Just because you are embarrassed to admit that you're still living the consequences of bad decisions made 5, 10, or 20 years ago shouldn't stop you from making good decisions now."
When one has tasted watermelon he knows what the angels eat.
I will not eat oysters. I want my food dead. Not sick - not wounded - dead.
"My right to swing my fist ends at your nose, not at your feelings."
"Sorry, I'm just not dumb enough to buy the whole global warming thing."
"I don't have enough faith to believe in evolution."
"If CO2 is a pollutant, I'll worry about my SUV as soon as the tree-huggers start holding their breath."
"Unfortunately, strangers do have the best candy."
"Martyr" is just a fancy way of saying "bad fighter".
"What this financial crisis really shows is that politicians don’t know what they’re doing. They don’t understand economics. They think there are no laws of economics, that they can decree whatever they want and that there won’t be consequences."
"It is usually easier to do that which we must do than something we merely should."
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