Man Jeff has been contributing so much great stuff we may have to make him and editor… Things Republicans/Conservatives Believe

  • Being a drug addict is a moral failing and a crime, unless you're a conservative radio host. Then it's an illness and you need our prayers for your recovery.
  • The United States should get out of the United Nations, and our highest national priority is enforcing U.N. resolutions against Iraq.
  • Government should relax regulation of Big Business and Big Money but crack down on individuals who use marijuana to relieve the pain of illness.
  • "Standing Tall for America" means firing your workers and moving their jobs to India.
  • A woman can't be trusted with decisions about her own body, but multi-national corporations can make decisions affecting all mankind without regulation.
  • Jesus loves you, and shares your hatred of homosexuals and Hillary Clinton.
  • The best way to improve military morale is to praise the troops in speeches while slashing veterans' benefits and combat pay.
  • Group sex and drug use are degenerate sins unless you someday run for governor of California as a Republican.
  • If condoms are kept out of schools, adolescents won't have sex.
  • A good way to fight terrorism is to belittle our long-time allies, then demand their cooperation and money.
  • HMOs and insurance companies have the interest of the public at heart.
  • Providing health care to all Iraqis is sound policy. Providing health care to all Americans is socialism.
  • Global warming and tobacco's link to cancer are junk science, but creationism should be taught in schools.
  • Saddam was a good guy when Reagan armed him, a bad guy when Bush's daddy made war on him, a good guy when Cheney did business with him and a bad guy when Bush needed a "we can't find Bin Laden" diversion.
  • A president lying about an extramarital affair is an impeachable offense. A president lying to enlist support for a war in which thousands die is solid defense policy.
  • Government should limit itself to the powers named in the Constitution, which include banning gay marriages and censoring the Internet.
  • The public has a right to know about Hillary's cattle trades, but George Bush's driving record is none of our business.
  • You support states' rights, which means Attorney General John Ashcroft can tell states what local voter initiatives they have a right to adopt.
  • What Bill Clinton did in the 1960s is of vital national interest, but what Bush did in the '80s is irrelevant.
  • Trade with Cuba is wrong because the country is communist, but trade with China and Vietnam is vital to a spirit of international harmony. What Democrats/Liberals/“Progressives” think:
  • Government is more efficient than private business.
  • Demanding a higher wage than what you’re worth is evil, unless you are in a union, than it’s OK.
  • The best way to teach someone independence is to make them more dependent on the government.
  • Wal-mart is evil since they keep lowering prices because they don’t offer health benefits to part-time employees. Starbucks is wonderful since they keep raising prices because they offer health benefits to part-time employees.
  • If guns are made illegal, criminals won’t use them.
  • “Standing up for the little guy” means stealing (taxing) more from them for “the greater good.”
  • The government is not allowed into your bedroom, but it can away take your whole house and give it to your neighbor.
  • The best way to ensure peace it to cut military spending, and sing koombaya with people who have vowed to kill as many of us as they can.
  • Jesus loves you, and that’s the only part of the Bible that’s true, because it is the only part I agree with.
  • The government should spend billions to protect animal rights, and they should make sure that I can kill as many babies as I want.
  • The best way to help raise low-income people’s income is to tax the people who pay their salaries.
  • It’s only science if it is based upon the premise that God doesn’t exist.
  • Judges write laws, not legislatures.
  • The best way to defend our Constitution is to look at other countries’ laws.
  • Everyone has a right to privacy, unless it involves money.
  • It’s not greed if you want other people’s money, only if you want to keep your own.
  • If a Democratic president sends troops to topple an oppressive regime and help rebuild the nation and promises they’ll be home by Christmas, when they’re still there after 7 years we are “staying the course.” (anyone remember Kosovo? Yup, we’re still over there.) If a Republican president sends troops to topple an oppressive regime and help rebuild the nation and says they will be there for a while, after 7 months we are occupying the country.
  • Outsourcing is evil because 100,000 jobs have gone overseas, even though 2 million have been outsourced here.
  • Telling someone they will never be able to achieve because it’s someone else’s fault is OK, but telling them they are responsible for their own lives is not.
  • The best way to fight terrorism is to be a coward.
  • We should be amazed at the ability of a Democratic president’s ability to lie, but when a Republican president tells the truth, he must be up to something.
  • Budget cuts mean I only got $10 million more than I did last year, instead of the $20 million I asked for.
  • The public has the right to know about a conservative talk show host’s private life, but not about the private life of a liberal First Lady, soon-to-be Senator.
  • The best way to encourage innovation is through regulation and discouraging investment.
  • Gay marriage is constitutional, but the right to bear arms is unconstitutional.
  • Bin Laden was not a threat when he was offered to us by the Sudanese government twice (to Clinton), but now that a Republican is president, he was definitely the biggest threat to our national security and he should have known.