Warning these are not approved or endorsed, but they can be a fun way to get back at the man…

Tips for Tele-Marketers

(1) If you don’t have a lot of time or if you’re not -uh- assertive, try this: Just say “Hold on, Please…” Say this while putting your phone down (to keep from getting hooked into a conversation) and walking off (instead of hanging-up immediately) will increase the Telemarketers average handle time. Longer calls mean fewer calls per worker and therefore increased costs for the Telemarketers. Then when you eventually hear the phone company’s “beep-beep-beep” tone, you know it’s time to go back and hang up your handset, which has efficiently completed its task.

(2)If you DO have a lot of free time and some hutspah try this: When the telemarketer asks if you are the man/woman in charge of the house/phone bill/whatever say “yes.” Then let them go through their entire spiel until they finally give you a real chance to talk again — this is typically when they are wanting you to give the green light for whatever product they’re selling. At this point say “Oh! you need to/were wanting to talk to the man/woman in charge of the house/phone bill/whatever; I’ll go get him.” Now hand the phone to your spouse, roomate or even yourself and REPEAT. See how many times you can get the ‘marketer to give you the pitch before A) they hang up or B) you start laughing so hard you can’t continue. If you really want to go this route: sound excited during the pitch to make them think they have an easy sale.

Tips for Mass Mail Marketers

(3) Another Anti-Marketing Idea: When you get “ads” enclosed with your phone or utility bill, return these “ads” with your payment. Let the sending companies throw their own junk mail away. This one you have to be careful with as they may “mistakenly” throw out your payment as well. So this is best done in conjuction with an online bill payment.

(4) When you get those “pre-approved” letters in the mail for everything from credit cards to 2nd mortgages and similar type junk, do not throw away the return envelope. Most of these come with postage-paid return envelopes, right? It costs them more than the regular bulk postage “IF” and when they receive them back. The postage rate is according to the weight. In that case, why not get rid of some of your other junk mail and put it in these cool little, postage-paid return envelopes. If you really want to spread some love, send an ad for your local chimney cleaner to American Express. Send a pizza coupon to Citibank. If you didn’t get anything else that day, then just send them their blank application back! You can even send the envelope back empty if you want to just to keep them guessing! This way you can give junk mailers a taste of their own medicine at their expense! A side bonus is that the added mail traffic and therefore revenues will slow the steady increases of the standard postage stamp. If you want to remain anonymous, just make sure your name isn’t on anything you send them.

So if you are still in search of a good marketing technique, look for Victorious and see how they can help you on this.