"If you lose a lot of weight, people [will] think you have TB or AIDS."
Njobo (African Obese)

"War is worthless except for ending slavery, Nazism, fascism, and communism. Other than that, war is pointless."
Rush Limbaugh

"I’d love for this Cuban embargo to end because I love Punch Double Coronas."
Rush Limbaugh

"I’ve always wondered how in the hell we conservatives became denoted by red. That’s a commie color! It is! The liberals have always been red!"
Rush Limbaugh

"I wasn’t born yesterday, you know – I’ve seen movies."
Master Shake, Aqua Teen Hunger Force

"Okay, it’s either you definitely *should* play with matches, or you definitely *shouldn’t* play with matches…Which one you think it is, Carl?"
Meatwad, Aqua Teen Hunger Force

"Our minds must be conflicting because you say plague of snakes and all I hear is Easter bunny, Easter bunny, Easter bunny."
Meatwad, Aqua Teen Hunger Force

"I don’t have any real dolls, I prefer to use my infinite imagination… cause I ain’t got no damn money."
Meatwad, Aqua Teen Hunger Force

"Don’t you be giving it to me in that sippy cup, I’m an adult and I deserve an adult glass."
Meatwad, Aqua Teen Hunger Force

"Well hey now, guys, look. I do not want to do anything illegal here… but I would kill somebody… in front of their own mama… to get a ten speed."
Meatwad, Aqua Teen Hunger Force

"Master Shake says books are from the devil, and TV is twice as fast."
Meatwad, Aqua Teen Hunger Force

"[calling Japan] Hello, Japan? Yes, connect me to Godzilla please."
Meatwad, Aqua Teen Hunger Force

"[That’s not a toy!] You say that about everything you own. You should own toys. They’re fun."
Master Shake, Aqua Teen Hunger Force

"That’s a deep kiss too, like the Europeans. You know, the French, they have to unhinge their jaw to show love."
Master Shake, Aqua Teen Hunger Force

"Plaque is a figment of the liberal media and the dental industry to scare you into buying useless appliances and pastes. Now, I’ve heard the arguments on both sides, and there is nothing to convince me of the need to brush your teeth."
Master Shake, Aqua Teen Hunger Force

"The only way to cross the street, is just to close your eyes and bolt out there with complete disregard for machine."
Master Shake, Aqua Teen Hunger Force

"There are no dumb questions. Yes, you, the retard with the dumb question."
Inignott, Aqua Teen Hunger Force