Archive for the 'Forwards' Category
DUI Tennessee style
Another funny forward… (Can you tell I’m cleaning out my inbox?)
Only a person in TENNESSEE could think of this!
From the county where drunk driving is considered a sport, comes this absolutely true story.
Recently a routine police patrol parked outside a bar in Paris , Tennessee . After last call the officer noticed a man leaving the bar so intoxicated that he could barely walk.
The man stumbled around the parking lot for a few minutes, with the officer quietly observing. After what seemed an eternity in which he tried his keys on five different vehicles, the man managed to find his car and fall into it. He sat there for a few minutes as a number of other patrons left the bar and drove off.
Ah Property Law
A humorous email regarding the legal in-eptitude of government bureaucracy…
A New Orleans lawyer sought an FHA loan for a client who lost his house in Hurricane Katrina and wanted to rebuild. He was told the loan would be granted if he could prove satisfactory title to the parcel of property being offered as collateral.
The title to the property dated back to 1803, which took the Lawyer three months to track down. After sending the information to the FHA, he received the following reply:
(Actual letter):
“Upon review of your letter adjoining your client’s loan application, we note that the request is supported by an Abstract of Title. While we compliment the able manner in which you have prepared and presented the application, we must point out that you have only cleared title to the proposed collateral property back to 1803. Before final approval can be accorded, it will be necessary to clear the title back to its origin.”Annoyed, the lawyer responded as follows:
“Idiot Sighting”
A fairly funny fwd:
IDIOT SIGHTING: I was at the airport, checking in at the gate, when an airport employee asked, “Has anyone put anything in your baggage without your knowledge?
To which I replied, “If it was without my knowledge, how would I know?”
He smiled knowingly and nodded, “That’s why we ask.” This happened in Birmingham, AL.
Thanks Kristen
Things I’ve Learned In Tennessee
This was a fairly funny forward I got recently. I improved it a bit and voila:
Things I’ve Learned Living In Tennessee:
Possums sleep in the middle of the road with their feet in the air.
Onced and twiced are words.
It’s not a shopping cart; It’s a buggy.
Ice tea/Sweet tea is appropriate for all meals.
The above statement is actually redundant; Iced tea IS sweet tea. If you order tea in TN you will get sweet tea. If you specify unsweet tea, your tea will come with a spoon and an assortment of sweeteners so you can sweeten it personally.
DUI Tennessee Style
I found this pretty funny and ingenius… (who cares if it’s actually true)
From the county where drunk driving is considered a sport, comes this absolutely true story.
Recently a routine police patrol parked outside a bar in Paris , Tennessee . After last call the officer noticed a man leaving the bar so intoxicated that he could barely walk.
The man stumbled around the parking lot for a few minutes, with the officer quietly observing. After what seemed an eternity in which he tried his keys on five different vehicles, the man managed to find his car and fall into it. He sat there for a few minutes as a number of other patrons left the bar and drove off.
Finally, he started the car, switched the wipers on and off (it was a fine, dry summer night), flicked the blinkers on and off a couple of times, honked the horn and then switched on the lights. He moved the vehicle for ward a few inches, reversed a little and then remained still for a few more minutes as some more of the other patrons’ vehicles left.
Life’s Little Mysteries
Another one from the inbox…
How important does a person have to be before they are considered assassinated instead of just murdered?
Why do you have to "put your two cents in"… but it's only a "penny for your thoughts"? Where's that extra penny going?
How is it that we put man on the moon before we figured out it would be a good idea to put wheels on luggage?
PC Christmas
For those of you that were offend by our “Merry CHRISTmas” yesterday… We’re sorry.
Those Dear To You
We have another excellent FWD. This one really makes you reflect on what’s important. And let’s be honest — it’s the picture that does it. Anyone can weave a sappy tale about things you love and carnage and such… it takes a multimedia presentation to reach my jaded heart.
A friend who I used to live with in San Diego just sent me this photo of a horrible highway accident near Heidelberg, Germany where he lives. The picture may be kind of hard to take for some of you. If you look closely you can see what appears to be some survivors of the accident still in the wreckage. Although the picture is quite graphic, it makes you realize how quickly our loved ones can be taken from us.My friend stayed on the scene to help and even though he performed mouth to mouth on quite a few of them, none apparently survived. Please open with discretion … and think of the ones you love.
Sharing The Love
GM Roper of GM's Corner sent me a nice note… well… it was a while back — but I've been busy alright!? Anyway, I finally got a chance to return the favor and check out his site and -well- it definately looks nicer than mine, so don't look at it for too long. Remember our site's upgrade is only -176 days away… and that's like really close. GM's site is definately right leaning so you lefties have been warned… Here's a sample from today. I found it pretty funny, but then I live in the South… Question: How do you tell the difference between Democrats, Republicans and Southern Republicans? The answer can be found by posing the following situation: You're walking down a deserted street with your wife and two small children. Suddenly, an Islamic Terrorist with a huge knife comes around the corner, locks eyes with you, screams obscenities, praises Allah, raises the knife, and charges at you. You are carrying a Glock cal .40, and you are an expert shot. You have mere seconds before he reaches you and your family. What do you do? Read more
Gas Is Cheap?
Is the ever increasing gas prices making you crazy? Perhpas this will ease the pain of your next visit… or start you on the downward spiral of depression: Just a little humor to help ease the pain of your next trip to the pump… Think a gallon of gas is expensive? Compared with Gasoline Lipton Ice Tea 16 oz $1.19 ….. $9.52 per gallon Ocean Spray 16 oz $1.25 ….. $10.00 per gallon Gatorade 20 oz $1.59 ….. $10.17 per gallon Diet Snapple 16 oz $1.29 ….. $10.32 per gallon Starbucks coffee: $1.50 for 12 oz ….. $15.99 per gallon. Read more