Remember this the next time customs is annoying you at the border…

DALLAS – In what sounds like a really low-budget horror film, voracious swarming ants that apparently arrived in Texas aboard a cargo ship are invading homes and yards across the Houston area, shorting out electrical boxes and messing up computers.

The hairy, reddish-brown creatures are known as “crazy rasberry ants” – crazy, because they wander erratically instead of marching in regimented lines, and “rasberry” after Tom Rasberry, an exterminator who did battle against them early on…

The newly recognized species is believed to have arrived in a cargo shipment through the port of Houston. Scientists are not sure exactly where the ants came from, but their cousins, commonly called crazy ants, are found in the Southeast and the Caribbean…

The good news? They eat fire ants, the stinging red terrors of Texas summers.

But the ants also like to suck the sweet juices from plants, feed on such beneficial insects as ladybugs, and eat the hatchlings of a small, endangered type of grouse known as the Attwater prairie chicken.

They also bite humans, though not with a stinger like fire ants.

Worse, they, like some other species of ants, are attracted to electrical equipment, for reasons that are not well understood by scientists.

They have ruined pumps at sewage pumping stations, fouled computers and at least one homeowner’s gas meter, and caused fire alarms to malfunction. They have been spotted at NASA’s Johnson Space Center and close to Hobby Airport, though they haven’t caused any major problems there yet.

Exterminators say calls from frustrated homeowners and businesses are increasing because the ants – which are starting to emerge by the billions with the onset of the warm, humid season – appear to be resistant to over-the-counter ant killers…

It’s not enough just to kill the queen. Experts say each colony has multiple queens that have to be taken out.

At the same time, the ants aren’t taking the bait usually left out in traps, according to exterminators, who want the Environmental Protection Agency to loosen restrictions on the use of more powerful pesticides.

And when you do kill these ants, the survivors turn it to their advantage: They pile up the dead, sometimes using them as a bridge to cross safely over surfaces treated with pesticide…

But don’t worry the state government and the EPA are working to stop the ants… I’m sure they’ll do a much better job than they did with the fire ants moving in from Mexico.

• Ants swarm over Houston area, fouling electronics

So after being mortified and amused by many of the online personals out there I’ve decided to help the desperate masses attract that mister or misses right (or right now). After perusing the best and worst of online personals, I have developed a handy guide for all those looking for love in cyberspace…. I’m sure I’ve forgotten a few rules, but don’t worry sad, lonely people! I will update this list as needed.

1. Do post a pic. NO ONE believes your typed in description – Scratch that – no one bothers to read your typed in description because they moved to the next ad since you are obviously claw footed or worse.
2. Do post a GOOD pic. Good will mostly be defined by avoiding all the don’ts below. Beyond that try different images until the love comes pouring in.
3. Do get your age right if you are under 18. We know you’re excited about the fact that your parents started letting you wear makeup. But seriously online dating is pathetic scary enough without threat of showing up on Date Line.
4. Don’t use a group photo. Most people will assume you are the worst looking of the bunch.
5. Do use a group photo if you are the worst looking of the bunch. A few of the extra desperate will respond and pray that the pretty girl in the pic just used it for sentimental reasons.
6. Don’t use a wedding picture. I don’t care if you looked great in that dress – don’t use it.
7. Don’t include a picture with kids. No one knows that is your favorite nephew – it’s your kid now. And don’t try to find someone that will love you AND your kids online. It won’t happen. Try church.
8. Do use a picture that some else has taken. If you don’t have enough friends to get someone to take a picture of you – you’ve just fallen below the level of loser allowable for online dating.
9. Don’t take a picture of yourself with your web cam. This is for the people that got lost on rule #8 at the word “friend”. Also all web cams suck.
10. Don’t take a picture of yourself in the mirror. You will always look weird from trying to watch the camera & smile while having your arm extended at an uncomfortable angle.
11. Don’t use a picture of you and your boyfriend. Most men will be annoyed by this (which is one of the chief traits men avoid after ugly) and a few homophobs will be worried they accidentally clicked on M4M section and flee from your ad.
12. Don’t use a picture of you and ex kissing. You are trying to get a new ex -er- relationship not cling to the old one.
13. Do use a picture with a boyfriend if you have scratched out his face. This says to guys: rebound! catch me.
14. Don’t use a picture with a girlfriend if you have scratched out her face. This will come across as stalkerish.
15. Don’t use a picture of just your face. This will imply that you are fat.
16. Do use a picture of just your face if you are fat. This will lure a few unsuspecting dolts to within sight distance of you – and then they’ll see you’re fat and break your heart in person instead of online. (this was a don’t right?)
17. Do mention that you are a twin. This will increase your appearance by at least 1 (on a 10 pt scale).
18. Don’t take a picture of your junk guys. NO ONE wants to see it, ok?
19. Don’t take a picture of your junk with a ruler. We don’t need the visual aid to confirm your small size. This will not get you pity. It will get laughter or vomit. At least be clever enough to use a fake ruler that is not to scale… and then refer to rule #18.
20. Don’t apply photoshop filters to your picture. If “mosaic” or “stylize” makes you look better, you’re already beyond help.

So I think it’s a sign where you’re wasting too much time when you start having dreams about Facebook friends you haven’t actually seen in years….

and no, not that kind of dream… just the typical random delusions like wiffleball tournament with high school buddies…

this dream goes out to all my peeps!… yeah i need help.

I don’t know if we should be rejoicing over the fact that the a Crip & a Baller can come together in racial, gang-land, and sexual harmony – well at least long enough to get knocked up – or just feel really sad for the kid.

A couple can’t agree on which gang their 4-year-old toddler should join.

A fight about the decision led to a public disturbance with the father’s arrest. Joseph Manzanares went to the video store where his girlfriend worked, threatened to kill her and knocked over several video displays, police told KMGH Denver.

Police arrested Manzanares at his home, Commerce City police Sgt. Joe Sandoval told KMGH Denver.

The girlfriend told authorities they were fighting over which gang their son should join. The girlfriend, who is black, is a member of the Crips while Manzanares, who is Hispanic, belongs to the Westside Ballers.

“They have different ideas on how the baby should be raised,” Sandoval said. “Basically, she said they cannot agree on which gang the baby would ‘claim.'”

• Fox News

Yup. Magenta. Don’t you go around using that color all willy nilly, or you will here from the T Mobile legal department about how you are trying to mislead people into thinking that you are a 2nd Teir Telecommunications company.

I know today’s date but this actually hit yesterday. What makes it funnier is that Engadget has since made it’s entire background magenta as an appropriate “screw you” to the hysterical letter.

• Deutsche Telekom / T-Mobile demands Engadget Mobile discontinue using the color magenta