Some funny bumper stickers for your reading enjoyment Some people just don't know how to drive… I call these people "Everybody but me." (small text) If you can read this… I can slam on my brakes and sue you. And my personal favorite: Heart Attacks… God's revenge for eating His animal friends Thanks Lee
Category Archives: Forwards
Local Barbie
A new crazy has been sweeping the nation. As part of the resurgence of Barbie(TM) to a position of dominance in the doll/collectable market, many locally targeted Barbies have been created as micro-manufacturing techniques make them cost effective.
So while this is more for the locals… we here at ScottSoapbox saw it as an opportunity to thumb our nose at all the NY elite hipsters that think the rest of us actually CARE what's going on in a city that's irrelavant to 88% of the country.
Farragut Barbie
This princess Barbie is only available at English Village. She comes with optional Volvo sedan or luxury SUV and lives in a waterfront dream house. Available with or without facelift and tummy tuck and comes with an assortment of Kate Spade handbags and sorority T-shirts.
Farragut Ken
comes with optional Clark's Wallabees and an assortment of The North Face fleeces/jackets. He is available at Tennessee Outdoors.
Oliver Springs Barbie
This tobacco chewing, brassy-haired Barbie has a pair of her own high-heeled sandals with one broken heel from the time she chased Beer-Gut Ken out of
Lake City Barbie's (discontinued) house.
Her ensemble includes low-rise acid-washed jeans, fake fingernails, strawberry lip gloss, three cans of hairspray, 48-color eye shadow and eye liner kit and a see-through halter top. Comes with Barbie's dream double wide trailer. Available at Wal-Mart. Continue reading
Remember The 80’s?
This is a little biased towards women growing up in the 80s w/ all the talk of clothing this and hair that, but it is still plenty funny for us guys…
1. You’ve ever ended a sentence with the word “PSYCHE”.
2. You watched the Pound Puppies.
3. You can sing the rap to the “Fresh Prince of Belair”
4. You wore biker shorts under your skirts and felt stylish.
5. You yearned to be a member of the Baby-sitters club and tried to start a club of your own.
6. You owned those lil Strawberry Shortcake pals scented dolls.
7. You know that “WOAH ” comes from Joey on Blossom.
8. Two words: M.C. Hammer.
9. If you ever watched “Fraggle Rock”.
10. You had plastic streamers on your handle bars.
11. You can sing the entire theme song to “Duck Tales”.
12. When it was actually worth getting up early on a Saturday to watch cartoons.
13. You wore a ponytail on the side of your head.
14. You saw the original “Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles” on the big screen.
15. You got super-excited when it was Oregon Trail day in computer class at school.
16. You made your mom buy one of those clips that would hold your shirt in a knot on the side.
17. You played the game “MASH ” (Mansion, Apartment, Shelter, House)
18. You wore Jordache jean jacket and you were proud of it.
19. L.A. Gear….need I say more?
20. You wanted to change your name to “JEM”.
21. You remember reading “Tales of a Fourth Grade Nothing” and all the Ramona books.
22. You know the profound meaning of “WAX ON, WAX OFF”
23. You wanted to be a Goonie.
24. You ever wore fluorescent clothing.
25. You can remember what Michael Jackson looked like before his nose fell off…
26. You have ever pondered why Smurfette was the only female smurf.
27. You took Lunch Pails to school.
28. You remember the CRAZE, then the BANNING of slap bracelets.
29. You still get the urge to! say “NOT ” after every sentence.
30. You remember Hypercolor t-shirts.
31. Barbie and the Rockers was your favorite band.
32. You thought Sheera and He-Man should hook up.
33. You thought your childhood friends would never leave because you exchanged friendship bracelets.
34. You ever owned a pair of Jelly-Shoes.
35. After you saw Pee-Wee’s Big Adventure you kept saying “I know you are, but what am I?”
36. You remember “I’ve fallen and I can’t get up”
37. You remember going to the skating rink before there were in-line skates.
38. You ever got seriously injured on a Slip and Slide.
39. You have ever played with a Skip-It.
40. You had or attended a birthday party at McDonalds.
41. You’ve gone through this nodding your head in agreement.
42. You remember Popples.
43. “Don’t worry, be happy”
44. You wore like, EIGHT pairs of socks over tights with high top Reeboks.
45. You wore socks scrunched down.
46. “Miss MARY MACK MACK MACK, all dressed in BLACK BLACK BLACK”.
47. You remember boom boxes vs. cd players.
48. You remember watching both “Gremlins” movies.
49. You know what it meant to say “Care Bear Stare!!”
50. You remember watching Rainbow Bright and My Little Pony Tales”.
51. You thought Doogie Howser was hot.
52. You remember Alf, the lil furry brown alien from Melmac. (Alf is still awsome!!!!)
53. You remember New Kids on the Block when they were cool.
54. You knew all the characters names and their life stories on Saved by the Bell “, the ORIGINAL class.
55. You know all the words to Bon Jovi’s – SHOT THRU THE HEART.
56. You just sang those words to yourself. (didn’t you)
57. You remember watching Magic vs. Bird.
58. You cut your t-shirts in half and wore it with your homemade Levis shorts.. (the shorter the better)
59. You remember when mullets were cool!
60. You had a mullet!
61. You still sing “We are the World ”
62. You “Pegged ” your pants ritually. (You’re still singing shot through the heart in your head arent you!!!)
63. You tight rolled your jeans.
PASS THIS ON TO ALL YOUR FRIENDS WHO GREW UP IN THE 1980s!!! ROCK ON!!!
Conservative vs Liberal
Ah stereotypes. You gotta love ’em. Of course here at ScottSoapbox everyone is totally unbiased — just like the rest of the media. We’re just unbiased in the other direction. ;)
As a Conservative and Liberal are walking down the street, they come upon a homeless person. The Conservative gives the homeless person his business card and tells him to come to his business for a job. He then takes twenty dollars out of his pocket and gives it to the homeless person.
The Liberal is very impressed, and when they come to another homeless person, he decides to help. He walks over to the homeless person and gives him directions to the welfare office. He then reaches into the Conservative’s pocket and pulls out twenty dollars. He keeps $15 for administrative fees and gives the homeless person $5.
This clearly defines the difference between a Conservative and Liberal
Why Men Are Happier
I always knew this to be true. In fact one of my sayings is: not a day goes by that I’m not glad I’m a guy. Hmm. I should probably add that to the quotes section…
The garage is all yours.
Wedding plans take care of themselves.
Chocolate is just another snack.
You can be president.
You can never be pregnant.
You can wear a white T-shirt to a water park.
You can wear NO T-shirt to a water park.
Car mechanics tell you the truth.
You never have to drive to another gas station restroom because this one is just too icky.
In fact, the world is your urinal.
You don’t have to stop and think of which way to turn a nut on a bolt.
Same work, more pay.
Wrinkles add character.
Wedding dress $5000. Tux rental — $100.
People never stare at your chest when you’re talking to them.
The occasional well-rendered belch is practically expected.
New shoes don’t cut, bbrster, or mangle your feet.
One mood — all the time.
Phone conversations are over in 30 seconds flat.
You know stuff about tanks.
A five-day vacation requires only one suitcase.
You can open all your own jars.
You get extra credit for the sbrghtest act of thoughtfulness.
If someone forgets to invite you, he or she can still be your friend.
Your underwear is $8.95 for a three-pack.
Three pairs of shoes are more than enough.
You almost never have strap problems in pubbrc.
You are unable to see wrinkles in your clothes.
Everything on your face stays its original color.
The same hair style lasts for years, maybe decades.
You’re supposed to have facial hair.
You only have to shave your face and neck.
You can play with toys all your brfe.
Your belly usually hides your big hips.
One wallet and one pair of shoes, one color for all seasons.
You can wear shorts no matter how your legs look.
You can “do” your nails with a pocket knife.
You have freedom of choice concerning growing a mustache.
You can do Christmas shopping for 25 relatives on December 24 in 45 minutes.
Thanks Katie